Life is full of highs and lows that sometimes leave us wishing time would just stop. And yet, we are forced to move forward or get left behind. We go to work, go to school, raise families, pursue dreams, and fulfill our responsibilities with one foot in front of the other, pushing yesterday to the back of our minds. Sadly, many people carry the weight of the past without realizing how much it is affecting their present situation. Struggling with anxiety, trust, self-worth, or flat-out emotional numbness, many adults move through life without ever realizing these challenges could be connected to their past.
Traumatic experiences, unfortunately, are common in many people’s lives. Sadly, trauma doesn’t always disappear when it’s over. While many individuals naturally heal on their own, others struggle for years with emotional wounds. Through relationships, emotions, and even thoughts, unresolved trauma can surface long after the event has passed. However, there is hope. By truly understanding trauma, how it happens, and recognizing the signs of it in one’s own life, a person can take the first step towards reclaiming peace, control in their life, and the freedom from a past weighing them down.
What Is Trauma?
When a person goes through an experience that overwhelms them or produces feelings of helplessness, fear, or extreme danger, we call that trauma. Most of us associate trauma with major events, such as car accidents, warfare, or violence, but it can also occur because of less obvious experiences. Less notable events that cause trauma in different people’s lives include emotional neglect, bullying, death, or growing up in an unpredictable environment.
Traumas are unique to each person, affecting people in different ways. For instance, two people can go through the same event, with one naturally coping and the other still affected long after it’s over. Factors such as age, past experiences, and support systems all contribute to how an individual will respond.
Trauma is not always the result of a single event, but can manifest through repeated experiences or ongoing exposure to stressful environments. Let’s take a moment to learn about some of the most commonly known experiences that can lead to trauma.
Experiences That Can Lead to Trauma
Societal expectations can be tough. Often, people suffering from trauma minimize their experience, trying to dismiss what has happened to them and put on a strong face for the world. Common experiences that lead to unresolved trauma include:
- Abuse of any kind (physical, emotional, sexual)
- Domestic violence
- Serious accidents
- Natural disasters
- Combat
- First responder careers
- Community violence
- Witnessing a traumatic event
Unresolved trauma can also stem from the following experiences that aren’t always labeled as “traumatic” by society:
- Childhood neglect
- Unstable home, family conflict, divorce
- Death of a loved one
- Betrayal by a loved one
- Frightening medical events
- Living with a person with a substance use disorder or someone with mental health problems
These events don’t typically involve violence, but they are no less traumatic to the individual experiencing them. Especially for childhood traumas, many people feel that they should be “long over it by now” and have told themselves the lie “it wasn’t that bad; many people go through worse.”
The fact is, we all experience life through a different lens. Comparing your experience to someone else’s cannot take your pain away or make it less real.
Why Trauma Can Go Unresolved
Unless trauma is identified right away, these experiences leave lasting wounds affecting a person for years, sometimes decades. Our brains are remarkably good at protecting us and can keep us from reliving these experiences out of “protection.” The trouble with this kind of protection is that the mind will often use coping mechanisms like dissociation, denial, or emotional numbing, all of which are extremely unhealthy.
While we can appreciate that these coping mechanisms may be helpful at first, unresolved emotions will eventually surface over time. Life transitions, stress, and even having children can trigger long-buried emotions that were believed to be handled. It’s not uncommon for a person in their 30s, 40s, and even beyond to suddenly realize something happening today is actually rooted in an event from years ago.
So, how can a person heal before their past implodes their today?
Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Everyday Life
Unfortunately, trauma never announces itself by name. Instead, we must be observant and self-reflective to pick up on the subtle ways it can appear. Common signs of unresolved trauma in a person’s life include:
- Constant anxiety, always feeling like something bad is going to happen
- Trouble forming relationships or trusting others
- Overreacting to events that are minor to others
- Not reacting at all, emotional numbness
- Anger, frustration, irritability for no reason
- Avoiding people, places, activities, or conversations
- Physical symptoms like trouble sleeping, muscle tension, fatigue, stomach issues with no medical explanation
If one or more of these feelings or situations resonate with you or someone you know, it may be worth looking back to determine whether an experience is negatively affecting the present day.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
Recognition that the past is following you around is nothing to fear; in fact, it is often the turning point that leads to healing. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but instead letting go of the emotional control it has over your life. Contrary to the belief that healing is forgetting the memories, working with a qualified trauma therapist, individuals learn how to process the difficult ones from the past, reducing the intensity of triggers, and developing better, healthier ways to cope with them. Depending on unique needs, treatment may include the following approaches:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
- Trauma-informed Counseling
- Mindfulness-based Therapies
Using a combination of these therapies, along with others, mental health professionals can help individuals not only regulate their emotions today, but move towards lasting emotional wellness. The key is treatment. When trauma buries itself, it doesn’t disappear. We must acknowledge these painful experiences and face them with courage. If unresolved trauma is affecting you or someone you love, speak with a trauma therapist in Layton who can provide the support and tools needed to shed the weight of the past for a healthy, meaningful future.
Hope in Healing
Without knowing it, unresolved trauma from the past may be shaping the way we think, feel, and interact with others and the world around us long after the danger or threat is gone. When we stop to reflect on our feelings and behaviors, it may become evident that the weight of yesterday is still dragging us down today. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a clear understanding of unresolved trauma and recognizing the signs of its lasting impact, those who need it can seek compassionate, professional support to move forward and let go of the past. With the right support and a new perspective, hope can grow where pain once lingered.